When I was in the throes of my eating disorder, it felt as though I was a prisoner in my own mind and body, chained to my goals and expectations. Nearly every choice I made related to food and exercise felt like a choice I had to make in order to gain approval or feel worthy. I kept chasing goal after goal, with no end in sight. I have always been competitive and enjoyed a challenge, but somewhere along the line, I had taken it too far. I was grasping for anything I could to provide a distraction from my inner turmoil. Every time I lost weight or improved my times, I briefly forgot about my (perceived) failures in other areas.
After taking more than 18 months off from racing, I wanted my comeback to be different. This time, it is not about my time on the clock, or my overall place. This time, it is about being in the moment and being grateful for what my body can do. It is also about finding community and enjoying the encouragement, support, and camaraderie running and racing can bring. When you are less focused on your own success, you are better able to see the joy and excitement in others and to celebrate along with them. I especially love seeing the people who are running a marathon or half marathon for the first time because I remember the feeling of accomplishment and joy when I first completed those distances.
This mindset has carried over into my training as well. My training plan is very simple, not too many frills. I am not doing crazy track workouts, hill workouts, or endless core routines (I do miss my speed work, though). I am simply putting in the miles and doing some pace work and occasional strength work. I wear my Garmin, but I don’t upload my runs to any site or app, nor do I log how many miles I’ve run for the month. I do the majority of my runs without music or podcasts, simply being alone with my thoughts (which I used to avoid like the plague) and looking for unique sights along the way (flowers, deer, turkeys, squirrels, you name it). Yes, there are times I wish I had a distraction from my discomfort, but learning to improve my tolerance for physical discomfort has also helped me with tolerating emotional discomfort (though I still have work to do in this area). It comes and goes, never lasting forever.
Lastly, I feel like I have made an effort to use this mindset in my daily life as well. Too often, I get upset or grumpy over things not going how I thought they would or think they should. My children don’t listen or they move too slowly, so we’re late for school or work. My husband comes home late or does not do the dishes like he said he would. I send a message to a friend, hoping for a response, but none comes. These are all situations where I have not always responded well. When I am able to take each occurrence for what it is instead of trying to find a reason for why it happened or how to keep it from happening again, the outcome is less upsetting. So, while it has certainly made a difference, my slow progress is not just about releasing or lowering my expectations for events or daily tasks. What has helped even more is to find the lesson or opportunity in each “mistake” or unexpected outcome. Learning about Growth Mindset, Grit, and Resilience throughout the last few years has greatly influenced how I try to live my life and what I wish to teach my children and my students. This Article does a nice job explaining the concept of not only lowering one’s expectations, but also dealing with negative outcomes in a more positive way. It’s worth the read. Until next time, keep on keepin’ on, my friends.
Redefined Runner 