This time of year can be difficult for many people for a variety of reasons. For those who live in a place where most people celebrate Christmas, those who don’t celebrate it may feel a sense of “otherness.” For those who have experienced a loss or a trauma in the past, holiday celebrations can stir up strong emotions or open old wounds when certain memories are triggered or typical routines and traditions have changed. There is often a hurried and frenzied pace to all the shopping, concerts, and gatherings, leaving little time to process feelings or to rest and recover. To top it all off, the days are shorter and we often find ourselves waking up when it is dark and coming home when it is dark. We crave the warmth and the light of the sun to remind us that all will be well.
So, what can we do to fight those blues and to keep ourselves mentally and physically healthy? We must be mindful of the choices we make and the thoughts with which we engage. This doesn’t mean suppressing or pushing away any bad thoughts you have, it just means adjusting the lens by which we view those thoughts. Pushing thoughts away often leads them to come up in other ways, sometimes stronger than when they started. Rather than punishing ourselves for our thoughts we can give ourselves grace and compassion for the pain we feel and the experiences we’ve endured. Is it possible we could have done things differently? Sure. Would it have changed things? We don’t know.
While staying busy can be a form of avoidance, I think that distraction can also be a healthy way to take our mind off things, particularly when we spend time distracting ourselves with meaningful activities. Check out this video describing a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy technique called Behavioral Activation. Staying cooped up alone in your home may be tempting, but isolating does not alleviate depression, it only worsens it. If you are not able to work, find a place you can volunteer so that you can be around people. If people are too much for you sometimes, maybe you can find a local animal shelter or animal rescue organization to offer your time. Schedule coffee or lunch with a friend, take a walk outside and sit on a park bench. Even if it is not with other people, the simple act of being in nature can bring a sense of peace and calm.
I think fighting depression and keeping our relationships strong happen in much the same way. It is not necessarily the grand picture being perfect (house, job, significant other), but how we manage the small, daily acts of care and communication. Are you asking yourself what you need each day? What about touch? If you live alone or have found yourself alone for the first time in a long time, find ways to receive touch. It nourishes the soul and connects us to others. Perhaps it could be getting a relaxing massage, a manicure or a pedicure, or maybe a nice haircut and style at a salon where they give head massages. Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs. It might seem silly or awkward, but I don’t think we realize how important touch is until we aren’t getting enough. Small daily acts of intention help us to show ourselves and others that they matter. Check the mail, schedule that appointment, vacuum the rug. Write a letter to someone who is deployed or someone in a nursing home with no family nearby.
When we take time to appreciate the small things in our lives, we realize that we are actually quite lucky. If you feel distant from your partner, take time to be with each other, even if you can’t communicate well right now. Sit and read together. Make dinner together. When you are able to talk more, touch more. Feel that perfect spot where your head rests on his shoulder or the warmth of her face on your chest. Kiss your kids’ foreheads while they sleep. Enjoy the warmth of your furry friend sitting on your lap. Listen to the sound of children laughing or splashing in puddles. Watch the way the sunlight twinkles on the snow while you’re out walking. There are so many reminders all around us of how vast and yet how intimate our world can be. We are all connected and we are part of that beauty. Be well, my friends. Check out these links for more information about emotions, human touch, and writing letters to those in need:
Redefined Runner 