We have come to the final month of what has been a very trying year, to say the least. Not only are we in the midst of a global pandemic, there have been multiple natural disasters, an important election, rife with tension and vitriol, and a great deal of violence and unrest due to continued racial injustices. This year has felt like the longest EVER. When I think back to spring, it feels like ages ago.
The chaos and trauma many people have experienced this year can (and has) lead to significant mental health challenges for some people. One issue that can lead to concerns like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders, is poor body image or body dissatisfaction (Neuman-Sztainer et al, 2006). Poor body image can start at a very young age, but it often starts in adolescence. We live in a culture that is surrounded by images coming from news, TV, movies, and social media. Adolescents are trying to find their identity and how they fit into the world, and this cacophony of messages about how one should look can be overwhelming. This is why we must do our best to instill confidence in our youth through representation and spreading positive messages. Compliment them on what makes them unique that does not have to do with their looks. Have conversations about their passions and their hobbies, what makes them a good friend or proud of who they are. Let’s teach them to care for their bodies because they only get one, not because they feel a need to change it.
Children learn more by what they see us do than what we tell them, though, so let’s do our best to model healthy behaviors. While this certainly isn’t easy, it can be done, especially if we work together to set this intention. Words matter more than we think and there’s really no need to even talk about people’s bodies (at least the outward appearance). There are far more interesting things. I mean, how the body works is pretty amazing, but with so many things going on in the world, so much beauty all around us, and the numerous ways in which we can entertain ourselves or live out our passions, outward appearance ranks pretty low.
So, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, if it’s so easy for you, what’s your secret?” Actually, it’s not easy at all, but I am better off than I once was. This is probably due to the amount of time and effort I have put into improving my body image as a means of recovering from my eating disorder. I have met many amazing people, read or listened to some pretty great books and podcasts, and had the privilege of working with some very effective and caring medical and mental health professionals. I realize that not everyone has this privilege and I don’t take it for granted, but the good news is that there are many resources out there that are free and still impactful.
One such resource is Jes Baker, who can be found on various social media platforms as The Militant Baker. In her piece about choosing body liberation over body love, she says,
What I have come to realize, though, is that asking someone to achieve body love can quickly become another unattainable prerequisite, much like the desire to change our body into what is deemed desirable.
Jes Baker, June 2018
Loving your body is hard, especially if you are someone who lives in a larger body, has a disability, or is transgender. Those types of bodies don’t fit the typical mold society wants us all to fit. Nevertheless, we can choose to set ourselves free from the rules and expectations we have placed on ourselves (liberation) so that each food we eat or physical activity in which we choose to engage is intuitive and brings us joy, rather than shame or exhaustion. I like to think that our relationship with our body should be like a relationship with someone we love. We don’t love the people in our lives because they’re perfect or they always do what we want them to do, but because they care for us and we share experiences together. We know that one cannot make a person change, they have to desire to change. It might work for a while if you demand that your expectations are met, but the person will more than likely become bitter or resentful. Your criticism or unrealistic expectations will backfire and the damage to the relationship will need repair.
The same goes for our bodies. We’re born with a predetermined body type and, the more we try to change it, the more it will resist us. If we are so engrossed in planning our days and our actions based on how we look and what we want to eat, we could be missing out. Our bodies might not be getting the rest or the pleasure they deserve if we’re constantly seeking to make ourselves smaller or more “fit.” Eventually, our bodies will shut down. They will send us the message that enough is enough. I don’t know about you, but I want to enjoy my life and be present for all the small gifts and beautiful moments that happen each day.
When I was entrenched in my eating disorder, my relationships suffered. I was striving to be the wife, mother, and friend, I thought I should be, not the one my loved ones actually needed. My cup ran dry and I needed to reflect on how I got there and where I wanted to be instead. I have worked at instilling more positive habits than my former exercise-crazed and fitness app-using self had in her toolbelt. I think we often know what is best for ourselves, but there are too many distractions to really listen to our gut or our hearts.
I loved this article by Heather Creekmore on Ten Habits of Women with a Healthy Body Image. It really spoke to me because my Faith is very important to me as a Christian woman. I recognize, however, that others may not share the same beliefs, so I have a few modifications from her list for people who aren’t religious. #1: If you do not believe in God or another higher power, perhaps some meditation or alone time in a quiet place might have a similar effect for you. I find that connecting with God takes me away from the distractions of the world and redirects my negative thoughts, reminding me of my true purpose. #6: If you don’t wish to attend a church, perhaps consider joining a volunteer or civic organization with strong community ties. It could give you the social connection and sense of purpose you need to take the focus off of your body and how it looks. #10: If you don’t believe you have a need for repentance, I highly suggest learning more about self-compassion. It is something we could all use more of, particularly in the current times.
Thanks for reading. I hope you found this post helpful. Please feel free to reach out or comment if you have anything to share with me!
Redefined Runner 