The Curse of the Itty Bitty Running Shorts

I have struggled with body image for so long that I have to be very intentional about speaking kindly to myself when it comes to my body. I have always been athletic, yet I didn’t always appreciate what a gift I had been given in this regard. I loved sports and I usually fared pretty well in them, but I was constantly comparing myself to other girls. “Why don’t I have long legs like her?” “Why don’t I have curves like she does?” “Will boys like me if I am stronger than they are?” These are questions that were on my mind a lot during my preteen and adolescent years. The worst time for my self-confidence was when I cut my hair short and people confused me for a boy. It is difficult to develop a healthy identity as a woman when people are making you believe you don’t look like one.

My body image thoughts were often more pronounced when I was in the running community because I did not feel that I looked like a typical runner. I was not long and lean or small and petite (in my eyes anyway). I was short and powerful. While other women on my team and other teams looked graceful and confident in the short running shorts or even the little “Bundies” as we affectionately called them, I avoided wearing them whenever I could. I even wore what were technically the throwers’ shorts on my track team because I did not want to wear the super short ones. I sometimes wore the one-piece speed suit as well, but for some reason, that didn’t bother me as much. Go figure.

Luckily, I have been able to overcome most of these thoughts (still wouldn’t mind longer legs so pants would fit better). I think age and maturity have a lot to do with it, but I also think that challenging myself and attaining running goals I once thought were improbable (not impossible) contributed to my new perspective. I am still like most women in our culture where I don’t feel that I measure up to society’s “ideal,” but when I think of all the beautiful, strong, intelligent women I know, they all look different. Furthermore, their looks are not what I love about them and I am confident their partners would agree.

So now, when I go for a run on a hot and muggy day, I might opt for just a sports bra and shorts. When it’s cold outside and I need running tights, I don’t cover my bottom with shorts over the tights. By golly, I’ve worked for these buns! This body has run many miles and carried two healthy children, so there’s nothing wrong with it. One final thing I will say that has been helpful to me is to say goodbye to the shorts I wore for the Boston Marathon.

While I typically like to hold onto things that remind me of something special or important, those shorts also represent a time in my life when I was not well. Holding onto them was like holding onto an ideal I hoped to one day return to, but in a “healthy way.” For me, this will never happen. I will never again set a goal race weight or body fat percentage because reaching my goals is not more important than staying healthy. Sure, I would love to break more barriers with my running, but not in a self-destructive manner. I will embrace the body God has given me: a runner’s body.