It’s Not a Break, It’s a Break-up

The older I get, the easier it is for me to say Yes to the right things and No to the things that aren’t for me. I’ve spent the majority of my life being a people pleaser, to my own detriment. I am a highly sensitive person, so it’s always been difficult for me to feel the rejection or disapproval of others. Consequently, I often went along with what I thought would make others happy. Now, this isn’t to say that I often succumbed to peer pressure because I am also extremely stubborn and strong-willed. If I really didn’t want to do something (e.g. go to a drinking party) or I knew it could get me in trouble, I wouldn’t do it.

Now seems like a good time to point out that this doesn’t mean I was an Angel. I could be sassy to my parents and I didn’t always treat my friends the way that I should have (for those who may be reading this, I am truly sorry). I was kind and supportive and listened when my friends needed me, but I was also prone to gossip. It hurts to admit that and to think of the many times I participated in it, but there you have it. The ugly truth. The beauty of growing up is that you gain perspective; making time to work on personal and spiritual growth becomes more of a priority. I now recognize how petty it was to focus on gaining status or making conversation based on the faults or misfortunes of others. Not only that, but I considered myself a Christian. In my heart of hearts, I was, but I wasn’t prioritizing time in The Word or in prayer, growing closer to Jesus and more like Him. I was busy being a “normal teenager.” Well, gossip is not a Christian thing to do, period. We were meant to build each other up and live in harmony with one another (Romans 14:19).

Okay, before you stop reading because you’ve decided I’m a jerk, please bear with me. Over the last few years, I have had some major mental health struggles. Anxiety, Depression, an Eating Disorder, even suicidal thoughts. I have felt lonely and hopeless to the point of not wanting to be around anymore. Through the process of seeking counseling and treatment for these issues, I have done a lot of journaling and self-reflection. One thing that has regularly come up for me is a lack of contentment, despite the many blessings in my life. I have a great family, have generally been in good health, and have always had what I needed (even if it meant depending on others for those things). Still, I keep coming back to this feeling of, “But when will I have the right job? One I can keep, one where I can use my gifts and feel like I am part of a unified team?” Well, do you know what isn’t a good solution to easing one’s discontent? Spending a lot of time on Social Media. I have taken several breaks from social media in various forms, whether it was Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, but I always come back (not Twitter anymore, actually).

Social media can help you stay in touch with friends when used properly, but it can also lead you to view and consume a lot of toxic ideas and cause things to skew in a negative direction. I myself am quite prone to falling into comparison traps. Sure, logically I know that people often put their best news or best pictures on their pages rather than the bad news or lowlights, but that doesn’t mean I don’t analyze what I see. I began seeing the number of people who seemed to have their careers together or who had a steady group of friends because they weren’t moving all the time like our family. Instead of focusing on what I did have, I found myself focusing on what I don’t have: the “right” career, a group of friends I hang with or communicate with on a semi-regular basis. Not only that, but then you add in all of the social justice issues that have been piling up and coming to the forefront, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped going on Facebook shortly after the 2020 election. My soul doesn’t need to absorb the amount of hatred and lies that were showing up on a regular basis. Those things affect me in a physical sense when I give them too much of my time and energy. Thus, I have been on my longest Facebook break to date-about 8 months. Really, I don’t miss it. I have mostly stayed in contact with people through other means and my husband keeps me up-to-date with things I miss (sort of, he’s not on too often either).

I guess this is my long way of saying that I am done with Facebook. It was fun until it wasn’t. From now on, I would rather spend time calling, texting, emailing, or actually “being” with people (slowly, but surely post-vaccine) than scroll through a list of posts that don’t often improve my mood. I mean, I always love viewing cute babies, dogs, and fun family adventures or milestones reached or celebrated, but I can live without the rest. So, if you know how to reach me, please reach out. I’d love to hear from you. If you don’t know how to reach me, send myself or my husband a message and we’ll find a way to connect!

Much Love,

Shelley 🙂